Dating Apps – My Red Flags on profiles

So Valentine’s Day has come and gone. For singletons like yours truly, this means ever more frantic swiping on shallow smartphone-based dating apps.


I thought I would write a semi-humorous article about the profiles which may make me more inclined to swipe “left” rather than right.

DISCLAIMER: The profiles I have experience with are women. I have no doubt that men can be a lot worse in general and make these mistakes and more. My own profile is probably a mess. I hope not to cause any offence

1) “I have X kids, and they are my world”

I’m sure your children are very important to you, as they should be. And it’s absolutely fine to proclaim your intentions in your dating profile. But if you put it as the headline comment then that’s not award-winning salesmanship!

Every swiping session seems to have a profile pic which is just the aspiring datee’s children. I’m not sure if it is Tinder’s smart algorithm which has promoted that photo or not, but I can’t imagine a situation where someone would want to swipe right on that.

I even have encountered two profile photos with an ultrasound of a baby. Again, I fail to see how this would help her dating.


Source: LyonRoadArt

2) Which one are you?

I’m increasingly seeing a host of images where the individual is hidden like Where’s Waldo (Where’s Wally for fellow Brits) amongst large groups of people. Sometimes there are 14-15 images and one frantically swipes right to find out who the elusive person is, only to find progressively greater and greater crowds of people.


I get that they might be a little bit shy and not want to show an individual photo of themselves on the app, but at least put a few clues in the profile so I can work out which one you are! Thanks.

3) Filterageddon


The weird artificial glazed look the eyes, really oddly placed flowers in the hair, I previously found filters a good addition to dating apps because they add an automatic no filter for me. That was until I moved to an area where 99% of dating profiles have flower or dog filters, rendering the pool of dating to people who haven’t heard of Snapchat. It truly is the end of days….

4) Ex-husband or ex-boyfriend in first profile pic

I think there’s certain rules about guys in the first profile pic:

  • Father = OK.
  • Gay best friend = Probably OK. Grey area
  • Ex-boyfriend = Not OK
  • Ex-husband = Not OK

Seeing her profile picture with her ex-husband isn’t going to make me think “Wow that’s a lovely dress and I can imagine her being my bride”

5) “Is there anyone genuine/nice on here or are you all weirdos?”


Angry hen

I can empathise with the female dater who has had bad experiences, we all have. But again, I’m not sure putting that in the profile is necessarily going to unearth that elusive central segment of the single/genuine person Venn diagram.

As I said, this article was meant to be semi-humorous so I don’t want to cause any offence. If you use puppy-with-tongue-out filters on all your photos (including portraits of your family), don’t let me be the one to stop you. And as always, good luck


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